3rd Graders, Yoga

Today I had five classes of third graders. How to put this nicely... today I encountered 150 reasons for abstinence. The governments of the world should investigate compulsory shifts teaching third graders as a win-win approach to birth control. What monsters! What savages! What sycophants! What cretins!

I pretty much lost my voice. I spent almost an entire class trying to explicate increasingly lucidly my intended denotation of the word "quiet". When I was 9, grown-ups constantly told me to respect my elders. I figured when I became an elder kids would have to respect me. Now I realize those adults were on a power trip and I let myself be conned. And now I realize if I want respect, I'm going to have to wring it from the students' small bony... grades.

But I survived. I made it to the afternoon. Only to learn tomorrow I teach my normal four classes of 6th graders (they're not so bad -- at least they're semi-sentient!) and then I also get to teach an English class for teachers. I'll be up to 27 lessons a week at that point. Whoa.

Tomorrow I've decided to cop out at the first English for Teachers' class and spend 40-50 minutes focusing on introductions and question and answer sessions. It'll be the 23rd time I've formally introduced myself to a class of Korean students. You won't believe me, I'm sure, but I mean this with my whole heart, if you want to know the truth: I'm sick of talking about myself.

That's why I'm blogging. Because this isn't talking about... ahem... myself... oh look at the cute ironies flitting about the room! Darling aren't they.

Teaching really isn't that bad. I don't mind it. Relatively at least. Relative to what, you ask? Relative to my newest recreation. Yoga.

Yoga was created by Buddhists to hammer home the point that life is suffering. However, many people misinterpreted the message and realized life is gloriously pleasurable, compared to death by sustained awkward pose. And so the cycle continues. People complain, decide to improve their lives, begin yoga and run smack into the epiphany that life is easy -- Yoga is suffering.

Ok get up. Stand with your feet together. Put your right hand on the ground, in line with your feet. Your upper body should form a perpendicular line, a beam across the two posts of your feet and hand. Now lift your left foot off the ground till it is parallel and in line with your body. Lift your left hand to the ceiling; extend as far as you can. You should look like you're half way through a cartwheel. Well done. Now just hold that position for three minutes. That's it! Super easy. Super fun. Feels super good. Straight out of Guantanamo.

No really. As I walk to Yoga I really feel like an insane prisoner of war. Like a detainee with a cell phone. "Hello? Hey Mr. Cheney. Oh, you and Rummy want to waterboard me? Great! I'll be right over."

I'm not trying to trivialize the plight of the accused (and yet-to-be-accused) in various prisons around the world. They can't escape. I can. So why do I keep making that walk of pain? American culture taught me No Pain No Gain. So I figure, a lot of pain, a lot of gain. Which of course is denying the antecedent but hey, ho, here I go!