I narrowly avoided misanthropy today.
I surely hold a kind view of humanity in general and I've been enjoying myself thoroughly as a still "innocent and wide eyed" optimist. Just last night my friend Adina explained how New York builds a cynicism into people over time. I shrugged: I haven't been calloused much at all. She explained that every time I talk to a girl, the girl will inevitably assume I'm picking her up.
That's set up. Today I was at my friend Emily's cafe. I noticed a girl reading a book on Heroes and Tombs. Having just come from the Mythical creatures exhibit at the Museum of Natural History I was curious as to whether the book was non-fiction or a novel. I asked another question, which was again politely answered. The third question received no answer and a disdainful look. I went back to sketching poems. Later I realized what I must have appeared to her as: just another guy trying to pick her up. That's when I nearly slipped into pessimism.
It fucking bugs me that this girl assumed the worst of me, considered me merely another man to fend off. And here I was, apparently one of the few guys in New York willing to take each person as a person and not a sex object. I took an interest in her because she was interesting, not because she was beautiful. And so she dehumanized me even as I attempted to humanize her. I hurl my broadsword through swaths of people, severing them with my wit. No, I have no scathing wit. To be so endowed.
The rescue: still hating every person I encountered I purchased Oscar Wilde's Dorian Gray. Then I watched Ratatouille, perhaps one of the lightest, charmingest movies I've recently seen, much less endured. I'd give it 5 stars for success on all counts. So that cheered me up a bit. I went to sushi, blah sushi, but still sushi, which cheered me up more. On the subway ride home I ended up in a car full of bibliofiles, discussing literature. There were at least 5 different parties, all interacting. As I got off the subway with two of my new found neighbors, one of the girls said "Goodnight subway friends."
That's this city. The friendliest people in the world, all of them misanthropes.
I'm glad that you are still maintaining your youthful optimistic view of humnanity, despite all the evidence to the contrary. Myself I have long since taken the view that people are basically "Bastard covered bastards with a bastard filling." But I suppose there is room for all kinds of views in this world of ours.
ReplyDeleteThis type of unwillingness to give people the benefit of the doubt that you observe is what has really been irking me of late at my work. Everyone generally assumes that if anyone is an affront to them, they are not doing their job, they are lazy, etc. It's getting frustrating to deal with it on a daily basis, and even find myself falling into it too. Yargh.
ReplyDelete"it fucking bugs me that this girl assumed the worst of me, considered me merely another man to fend off."
ReplyDeleteyea, well, it f-in bugs me that you assumed the worst of her. Did you read her mind? Do you know for sure that she was thinking that about you? yea, that's what i thought. If I were her, I would probably be thinking, "This book about Heroes and Tombs is so interesting! What the... uhg, some guy is interrupting me...what? again?...A third question? Listen retard, i've politely answered 2 of your questions... can't you NOT see I'm in the middle of reading a really good book?!?! *disdainful look*"
seriously buddy, for being so open minded, that was pretty close minded of you to assume that. I thought you were above letting other people sway your opinions. You probably assumed that about the girl because your friend had just told you about it the night before.
Isn't it kind of calloused to assume that every girl you encounter will probably assume you are trying to pick her up? ignore it! yea, maybe some of them do think that. but if you put them all into that category, it will change the way you act around them and you will miss out on meeting some great people. im sure you probably already figured that out for yourself, but i thought id put in my own 2 cents from a different perspective... You don't have to become calloused if you don't want to be. show some strength and show that you are different and keep an open mind towards everything and prove that you are above the crowd. You always have been and nothing can ever make you blend. I love you more than you can imagine. :)
-Rachel