I wrote this probably 10 times, and these are the four versions I liked the best. But I want to know which you think makes the point the best. So tell me which you like the best and what you think the point is, so I can know if I made it clear. THANKS.
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1.)
One time I kissed this girl -- for a long time. She asked me how it felt so I told her she fit perfectly in the curve of my arm, but that she wasn't what I was looking for. I said that because she didn't love me as much as she liked my arm.
2.)
One time I kissed this girl -- for a long time.
She asked me how it felt so I told her
She fit perfectly in the curve of my arm,
But that she wasn't what I was looking for
Because she didn't love me as much as she liked my arm.
3.)
One time I held this girl. She snuggled up to me. She whispered questions in my ear, like "How does it feel," and are you happy right now. I told her she fit perfectly, and that we were like puzzle pieces. Then I told her I thought we were from different puzzles because being with her didn't make me feel any less alone. She put her head on my shoulder and sighed. I don't think she was listening.
4.) (From the girl's perspective!!!!)
After a long road trip, this guy I know put his arm around me, all the way around. He held me for a while, then he moved to a different couch. I asked him why he left and he said I wasn't what he was looking for. Holding me didn't make him feel any less alone. I think he's happy now, because he's with a girl who likes him even when he's weird.
#3 is good
ReplyDeletebut #2 is better
i'm a sucker for short sentences arranged in stanzas
I'm gonna go with #2
ReplyDeletebut 3 is okay also
Thanks!
ReplyDeleteBut what do you think it means?
i know!
ReplyDeletecause i remember.