"If I was your mother I wouldn't believe you actually coughed. I'd make you go to school."
They don't believe I'm sick. No one believes the sick are sick. They make them go to school. And when they die they swear they were shocked, never saw it coming, never knew.
Why can't I go to the south of England and get my health back? A doctor should tell me to go to the south of England to get my health back. I can't breathe. The sickness always hounds me. If I stop running it fills my lungs. I drown because I can't run fast enough, can't breathe with these sponges beside my heart. In the south of England it never rains. When it does, it rains Evian, and I feel better.
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I wrote that originally during a three week flu this February. I'm finally posting it, because it's true again. I told my parents about my wishes to drop out of school and how burned out I got during the three week crucible preceding this break. My Dad told me, "Your body can't get that bad in three weeks." How would he know? He wasn't in my body for those three weeks.
Thankfully he lent me some encouragement, a bit more inspiration towards dropping out: "I've been doing this for 27 years. It doesn't get any better." Thanks. I knew college was a lie.
I refuse to spend four years burning out so I can spend 27 years burning out. I'm going to find a different way. I don't mind hard work, but I despise slavery.
Amen.
ReplyDeleteI agree with you completely.
ReplyDeleteI happened to have read this post very shortly after you read it, but I have been thinking for some time what to say. As someone who has been out of college for almost a year now I can assure you that college is in fact a lie. At least, what they tell you you're working for is a lie- that delightfully overpriced piece of paper they hand you at the end of 4 years. You are right to be frustrated. And I wholeheartedly advocate finding a different way. With that said, the experience of college is not a lie- the friends, the handful of great classes, and the things God shows you about life and about yourself. Those are almost worth the thousands of dollars. Is there a better way to gain those things? I'd like to think so. But then again, if you weren't where you are right now, the people around you wouldn't be benefitting from your presence. I find there are always more reasons for being in a certain place than I intend. You may be changing someone's life and they may be changing yours. It's amazing how life works out . . .
ReplyDeleteThank you Azina. I needed to hear that. Sometimes I doubt that I may be changing someone's life. I know I am being changed. But I look at them and even when they tell me they really really don't want me to leave, I'm cynical and wonder what their motive is. Why are they telling me that now? Now that I want to leave? Then I realize they've been telling me they love me this whole time; I've just missed the signs. Now its a moment of crisis and they're shouting it. Don't leave. We love you. And that shows me something about God, about friends, about the world, and about myself. I need that. So, now, can I leave that? I don't know. We'll see. Thank you for caring.
ReplyDeleteGalen, I have only known you a short time and only in this manner of written texts. I know that I have only seen a glimpse of who you are, but what I have seen is enough for me to be sure that you change people's lives. I am not surprised that there are people in your life who are crying out for you to stay. Weigh them into your decision, but do not weigh them more heavily than yourself, you are no good to them if you stay and are a miserable shell of the Galen they love. I will be praying for you, I do not envy your position, but I have no doubt that all will work out for you.
ReplyDelete